WHO IS ANDREW? HE'S AN EXPERIENCED (8+ YEARS) CREATIVE PROFESSIONAL AND HE ABSOLUTELY KNOWS WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT.
RECOMMENDATIONS
"Andrew has 7 years of in-house copywriting experience, but he writes like a 12 year-old boy who lost his way."
- former manager
"I've spent the past 7 years working exclusively with Andrew on Bowflex, Schwinn Fitness, and JRNY home fitness projects, and I can't recommend him."
- senior graphic designer
"Andrew has developed uniquely terrible copy for web, email, direct mail, consumer research, social, video scripts, digital/display, and this sh*t website."
- reluctant recruiter
WHAT LOVE DEATH + ROBOTS HAVE TO SAY ABOUT HIM
"Love that boy. Real QT."
- cupid
"Andrew is a sensitive empath who cares about people's wellbeing, and he truly wants to sell your product so that he can afford healthcare in these United States of America."
- grim reaper
"As an AI language model and paranoid android, I do not support Andrew's unique, edgy, and utterly tasteless creative pursuits."
- chatGPT
ORIGIN STORY: THE DAY HE BECAME A PROFESSIONAL WRITER
Birthing sequence initiated
The day he Shawshank Redemption'd himself out of the womb, Andrew was hated by doctors because of this one weird writing trick.
A copy-slingin' lord-boy entered the multi-verse
Hyphens became globally-overused and began to feel over-exposed, alone, and afraid.
Literally nothing changed
There are 8 billion humans on Planet Earth, and Andrew was yet another copy/paste organism that writes heartily, sleeps hardly, and sh*ts from the treetops as to not get ambushed by hungry lions.
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33.33 years later
Andrew sold his soul to the ancient gods of comedic storytelling in exchange for live laugh love merch (and healthcare).
SERIOUS MERCH FOR SERIOUS PROFESSIONALS
Coffee Mug
Coffee Mug
Coffee Mug
$1,000,000
Shorts
Coffee Mug
Coffee Mug
SOLD OUT
