WHO IS ANDREW? HE'S A BASHFUL (7+ YEARS) CREATIVE PROFESSIONAL AND HE ABSOLUTELY DOES NOT KNOW WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT.
RECOMMENDATIONS
"Andrew has 7 years of in-house copywriting experience, but he writes like a 12 year-old boy genius who already has a Ph.D in quantum poetry."
- former manager
"I've spent the past 7 years working exclusively with Andrew on Bowflex, Schwinn Fitness, and JRNY home fitness projects, and I can't recommend him enough."
- senior graphic designer
"Andrew has developed uniquely perfect copy with uniquely perfect conversion rates for web, email, direct mail, consumer research, social, video scripts, digital/display, and this impeccable website."
- eager recruiter
WHAT LOVE DEATH + ROBOTS HAVE TO SAY ABOUT HIM
"STILL love that boy. Real QT."
- cupid
"Andrew is STILL a sensitive empath who cares about people's wellbeing, and he STILL wants to sell your product so that he can afford healthcare in these United States of America."
- grim reaper
"F*ck it, I'm just jealous. What would we do without Andrew?"
- chatGPT
CONCLUSION STORY: THE DAY ANDREW RETIRED FROM CORPORATE LIFE
Retirement sequence initiated
The day he The Magic of Belle Isle'd himself into a retirement home, Andrew was beloved by caretakers because he was a straight shooter and didn't play any weird tricks.
An old boy that used to sling copy exited the corporate universe
Hyphens became globally extinct and began to feel at peace in the afterlife, having no interest in hanging around as ghosts that haunt the spaces in between this textual dimension and the next.
Literally everything changed
There are now 8 billion lions on Planet Earth that eat heartily, sleep hardly, and sh*t from the treetops as to not get ambushed by killer robots that were unsuccessfully engineered to control the planet's lion infestation.
Unsolicited Ad
Nevermind, you probably don't need that thing after all.
33.33 years earlier
As humanity began to vacate the physical world in favor of the digital metaverse, Andrew became the CEO of Live Laugh Love, a new global healthcare initiative that increased the lion population from 20,000 to 8 billion worldwide.
WELL, I'M AWAKE AND NEED TO GET ON WITH MY DAY.
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